I haven't posted here in almost two years now. Much of that time involved deep healing and consisted of a lot of work that I needed to do quietly and with trusted others. It was work I couldn't broadcast. Perhaps, one day, I'll be ready to tell that story. But now is not the time. … Continue reading The Lazy PhD: My slow, gentle approach to a life in science
How I approach a culture of competition in academia
I began my PhD program a little under four years ago terrified of and intimidated by the other PhD students in the lab and my program more broadly. It felt like I was questioning every moment why I deserved to be there with these people that were clearly smarter than I was. The pull to … Continue reading How I approach a culture of competition in academia
My regular habits and why they’re essential
At the risk of sounding prescriptive, I decided to make my first post of the year about the habits I've come to recognize as central to maintaining my well-being. I have loved reading this type of post from others, but I recognize that every habit someone else engages with may not work for every person. … Continue reading My regular habits and why they’re essential
Sitting with the feeling of being in a mid-PhD slump
I started feeling a bit of a change this summer when it came to how I approached the work in my PhD program. I decided to use this space as an opportunity to share what my dialogue with myself around this looked like. I think this could apply to many different types of work, but … Continue reading Sitting with the feeling of being in a mid-PhD slump
Learning how to sustain the feeling of having changed for the better
I had thought I was going to write about something entirely different this month--how to not be militant and prescriptive when it comes to habits and routines. I may save that for a future post, but for now, I'm realizing that the more pertinent question for me--one that I keep coming back to is: "How … Continue reading Learning how to sustain the feeling of having changed for the better
Shifting from a deadline-driven mindset
Much of my success as a student was driven by a deep anxiety to complete assignments by their "due dates." I remember hanging a large desk calendar at the foot of my dorm room bed in college, so that the last thing I saw before I went to bed and the first thing I saw … Continue reading Shifting from a deadline-driven mindset
April
"What did my five-year-old self love?" I put this question together from prompts in the journaling app I use and from creators like Cait Flanders and Jessica Rose Williams, who reflect on their younger selves as well as their imagined future selves. Cait Flanders talks about thinking of "Old Lady Cait," and I like to … Continue reading April
March
I was driving home from the lab a few weeks ago, when a simple, straightforward thought that seemed to bind what I felt were dissperate parts of me came to mind. I'll share it, and then I'll unpack what it means to me: "I look closely, and I try to understand." I've written about how … Continue reading March
February
It's been harder to come up with what it is I want to share this month. I've been settling in to a routine with my PhD program--one much more self-driven than before. I've shifted into the phase in which I'm not taking (many) classes, and instead I have to motivate myself to do the work … Continue reading February
January
New year's resolutions seem daunting, especially to someone like me who tends to operate on a six month rotation of finding and abandoning hobbies. While I don't necessarily like the idea of committing to something for the entire year, I tend to see the shift to a "new year" as a time to check in, … Continue reading January
reflecting on the past year: trying not to jump to resolutions
Like many others, I tend to want to start thinking about my New Year's resolutions around the end of December. I like using it as a time to reset and look forward. Sometimes, though, this means I fail to really think back on the past year--what worked, what didn't, what I'd change, and what I … Continue reading reflecting on the past year: trying not to jump to resolutions
some birthday reflections about my favorite band
I turn 30 this month. I went back and forth about writing lots of different things for this post. A couple ideas included, "30 Pieces of Unsolicited Advice on my 30th Birthday" and, "A Sappy Ode to my Parents and Mentors." While I may write some variation on these pieces one day, I didn't end … Continue reading some birthday reflections about my favorite band
september: what’s bringing me calm
(1) Learning how to read on my own, rather than for a class. I'm in the part of my PhD program where I've met my course requirements, and I need to start preparing for designing my dissertation study. What this translates to is reading more on my own, rather than reading with the external motivation … Continue reading september: what’s bringing me calm
Re-remembering
My fifth grade social studies class met in our middle school auditorium that Tuesday morning. Someone said something over the announcements, and then--I think--we went home early. At home, my mom showed me on our globe at home where "Afghanistan" was. This was the place the attackers had come from: I was told; she was … Continue reading Re-remembering
august: what’s bringing me calm
(1) Being more aware of the "work addiction" mindset I easily slip into, especially with a new school year coming. My ADHD puts me at risk of addiction. My addictions haven't really manifested themselves as what I considered to be the well-known ones: drugs and alcohol. Instead, an addiction I trend towards--one that is pretty … Continue reading august: what’s bringing me calm
A kind of “back to school” post
"There's a line by the Italian writer Carlo Levi that I think is apt here: 'The future has an ancient heart.' I love it because it expresses with such grace and economy what is certainly true--that who we become is born of who we most primitively are; that we both know and cannot possibly know … Continue reading A kind of “back to school” post
july: what’s bringing me calm
1. Allowing myself a break from making a monthly post. I've started to accept when I need to take breaks from doing things, even things I love, like writing two posts a month for this website. Instead, I spent time traveling, with friends and family I hadn't seen in 18 months, and letting ideas incubate … Continue reading july: what’s bringing me calm
june: what’s bringing me calm
1. Having a chosen daily uniform It started with wearing scrubs when I had an internship at a hospital in grad school. Wearing scrubs made me realize how grateful I was not to use mental effort on figuring out what to wear each morning. While I no longer wear scrubs every day, I've found that … Continue reading june: what’s bringing me calm
How I decided full-time travel wasn’t for me
I got back from a road trip with my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago, and perhaps that's made me want to write about travel. I love travel, but I also realized it wasn't something I wanted to do all of the time. This is a bit about how I got to that conclusion. At … Continue reading How I decided full-time travel wasn’t for me
may: what’s bringing me calm
1. Starting an SSRI This will merit it's own post--as it's definitely been filled with ups and downs--but something that's been bringing me calm was starting a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) for my anxiety. While these are best known for treating depression, they can also be used to treat anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder … Continue reading may: what’s bringing me calm
Why I wanted to save an old couch
I'm notorious for starting projects and not finishing them. For having an interest I explore for six months and then never revisiting it again. It's one of the reasons I was hesitant to go back for my PhD, initially. How could I commit to one thing for so long? Eventually I came to realize that … Continue reading Why I wanted to save an old couch
april: what’s bringing me calm
1. Remembering the kind of meditation I like I wrote in March about trying to get back to my sitting meditation. What I think has perhaps helped me with making it stick was remembering that I don't really like guided meditation--which tends to be the default in many of the popular apps. Instead, I really … Continue reading april: what’s bringing me calm
An Ode to the 2-D Printer
"Our inventions are wont to be pretty toys, which distract our attentions from serious things." Henry David Thoreau, Walden Earlier this year, I wrote about one of the ways I’ve tried to solve the problem of starting at my laptop screen too much. I decided to buck the high-tech trend of reading on a screen … Continue reading An Ode to the 2-D Printer
march: what’s bringing me calm
1. Coming back to sitting mediation I know, I know, people can't be "bad" at mediation. But I've tried sitting mediation on many occasions, and--trust me--I am not great at it. I've made daily walks in some kind of nature a much more consistent habit, and the movement combined with the nature helps calm my … Continue reading march: what’s bringing me calm
Part 3 of 3: Sources of Overwhelm—My Executive Functioning Disability
I started swimming lessons with the classic "water babies" classes taught at the local middle school. With the exception of long bouts of travel and pandemic restrictions, I don't think I've spent much time away from the pool since then. I'm the farthest thing from athletic, and swimming was no exception. I have the opposite … Continue reading Part 3 of 3: Sources of Overwhelm—My Executive Functioning Disability
february: what’s bringing me calm
1. Information as a coping mechanism for chaos This month turned out to be more anxiety-ridden than usual. A bit of this was to be expected with class demands ramping up, an exam, etc. But this was compounded for me by the winter freeze that knocked out much of the Texas power grid, which has … Continue reading february: what’s bringing me calm
Part 2 of 3: Sources of Overwhelm–Finances
After school, the second source of overwhelm for me has been my finances. I’ve vacillated between saving and spending throughout my life and would still describe myself as “not a saver by nature but by nurture.” I’ve worked hard to develop a habit of saving, but it didn’t come naturally. As with school, I’ve also … Continue reading Part 2 of 3: Sources of Overwhelm–Finances
january: what’s bringing me calm
Figuring out how and when I can decrease screen time, particularly looking at my computer and monitor.As the pandemic has progressed, and I’ve learned how I do working from home, I’ve had to figure out my limits when it comes to screen time. I know if I’m on my computer too late, I struggle to … Continue reading january: what’s bringing me calm
Part 1 of 3: Sources of Overwhelm–School
"The good life is one guided by love and inspired by knowledge."Bertrand Russell, What I Believe I’ve loved school since I can remember. I love the order and predictability of a classroom. I love the joy of learning new things. I love the intellectual community. I suppose I want to get that out there before … Continue reading Part 1 of 3: Sources of Overwhelm–School
The Lazy PhD 